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: Fucking Bertie He knew when to get out and skip that wall You know what he's doing now? He's up in a big... He's up in that window there, do you know what I mean? See that window there? He's up there and he's sticking his backside out the window and he's on a pile of money and he's excreting feces out the back gap of his hole Tryna where he is, isn't he? And it's falling down on top of us like Do you know what the worst thing about that is? What? It's the likes of myself and yourself, how lies I clean that fucking shit out of his hole You're fucking right, Buzz I know, literally and it makes me so fucking mad to think about them boys up there

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-and they put it in this fucking hole. And you know what I'll say this to the camera because this will be going out. I'll fight any fucking man in that government. He's right man. My number is 564-832. He is right. There's a man down here for any fucking man in the government. You can fucking do it boy. I'm trying to be serious now. There's a man here for every man right. There's a man here for every man. You cannot even fucking drive down the road without the fear you're gonna crash into a bend or some drunk cunt's gonna come and crash into you. Boo's been trailing for a long time. You know what I mean like Soviet kettlebells. Where Pat Kenny has his balls washed by her. So there's a man here for every man.

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"I don't know what I'm gonna do for money this Christmas now, you know?" "Oh yeah? Doing what?" "We're down the old ball alley like, and we put a few posters up around town like streetwise." "Yeah, how'd you get on?" "We must have been about 400-500 quid." "I don't know fuck all about this crap, but I'm gonna let on that I was in the army." "Yeah, wash their mind off with shite." "How are we lads?" "Hey bro, just the crap, how you doing?"

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- You got a few shillings of you, yeah. - Just sit down there lads, we've set up there a range tree. - Sorry about the weather lads. - You started off there toasting. - Well lads, it's as simple as this. This is the ball, Ellie. This is where every man comes, now and again, for piss. He comes also, to get these dupes. - Before you leave here today, it'll be fucking harder than you left us to come in. If you ask him well, I knew he'd be out. - Tommy, did you bring money with you? - I've only got a small bit of change. - What? - I don't have it all. - Just, - Give it to him.

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and begetting a little bit. So the first thing we're going to teach you now is called the Nakamuru Jab Jab. What we'll do is we'll show it on the... Johnny, come on. Basically I learned this in school on the streets of Utrecht. So if I'm looking up to you and go into the neck, what would you do with that? Probably fall down. You'll fall down and you'll be fucking sweating your own piss. Now show them what you do. Nakamuru Jab Jab. Well Nakamuru Jab Jab originated in four class of Seamus Duncreepy.

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in the bargell and he can't move. That affects his lungwindle. The whole backer shaft is losing power. It'll just fuck him up and he won't be able to talk or speak. How are you feeling there now, Johnny? A bit weak. So grab him like this and then grab him like this. He's gone. He's not waking up. When we went to Lithuania for a week, we got the ticket, the certificate to say we can walk like Lithuanian men. What I do is I pretend I've got the rolling pin in the hand.

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and I'm going to turn the rolling pin as I'm walking. So it's like that. And I know the airsmile of cocked, but nobody that'll come near you. If you tuck in your shirt there now, show them the better area. You have to extend the way to the cheeks. Cheeks have to move back and over. The camera can't pick up on it, but there's an old mist coming off. You know, this is the smell of fucking dirty old fear coming off of me. I know to look at them, you think, and you smell that, and you say,

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It's not fucking shit. Okay? A lot of women confuse that with the smell of want. It's not. It's the smell of fear. Talk about what you said there lads, now, and go over that. Discuss that there lads. What are we gonna do now? How to throw headbutts. Doggy jazz. How to stand in doorways. How to stand in... I smoke cigarettes. Right, right. How would you stand in the doorway now, normally? Me? Yeah, normally. This'll be a laugh. Yeah. It's not bad now. Are you trying to pull a woman like that, yeah? No, no, I wouldn't dream it.

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I'd say, hood up. When the hood is up, you don't know who the fuck he is. That's it, took the plats in. Now, what's your name? Luke. Luke. Thanks. Thank you very much. There's another one actually. While we're here now shaking hands, I'm gonna show you. Handshake, I see a lot of lads shaking hands like that at maths. I'd fucking bet to shite into a lad for shaking my hand like that before. Shake it good and proper. And you go look. Sit down there now, go look. Man, Luke. Man, Luke. Seems like Luke is listening. Yeah. Luke was in foundation maths, I'd say. He was.

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You're not sitting on. It's a nice watch. Does that work? Does it? It does, yeah. Can I have a look at that? Can I? Yeah. Put your hand in there now. We've got your money. One, two, three. We've got your money! Alright, hey, everyone close, lads. Thanks for coming, lads. Thanks for coming. The plain and simple fact is, there's no life in the place no more, you know? I remember years ago I'd walk into... I know the good days, Eddie. The glory days, man.

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on the jelly baby like you know the little fella called the jelly baby and he used to be playing pool down there and in lambs like you know the lads used to superglue tassels onto his titians like

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He's that fucking seafood don't leave you over there, man. Not even wearing any fucking shoes Seafood! S'dari! Fucking dirty cunt, man. Let's see what the fucking recession is doing to people like. Trees, hey, young lad, do you want a tree? Hey Bucking, do you want a tree? Hey, come here, you little shit. Do you want a tree or not? Give it a rub, just rub it. Eating your rules, the mahogany and everything.

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It's been a few quid for Christmas. Yeah, yeah, but we didn't know so technically we didn't do anything wrong because we didn't know was wrong. So someone I'll cut down the tree right? Yeah, you helped me carry it. Should we even be getting trees? Christmas trees? No, but the environment and global warming and that. It's wrong. Fuck global warming. Sure, aren't we here in the forest? We have hatchet and we have all the gear like. Do you know what I mean?

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and everything and fucking we're in the place of getting trees. Yeah, but what about the glaciers melting and flooding and destroying the earth? Since when have you seen any fucking glaciers in Castletown? When was the last glacier you seen in Castletown? That's because they're all melted. Listen man, you'd want to clear out the fucking space in between your ears because I don't know what you're on about. There's no glaciers in Ireland. No mind fucking Castletown. So forget about other countries and other fucking places. We'll deal with the trees and we'll get some fucking bit of money out of it.

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This tree isn't too big. Michael, will you give me a bit of fucking swinging room? I'm sorry man, you know what I mean? I've been doing it since I was a young child. Myself and my father used to come in here and get a few trees just for the family. Myself and Michael here, Sam and Michael. What are you fucking doing up there? I'm scouting out for Christmas trees and that. See if there's anything good. Can't see a fucking thing though. You can't teach your fucking young dog new tricks. You gotta be more man than the tree. You gotta be more man than the tree.

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, you gotta be more man than the tree! Come on Sammy! Ah for fuck's sake, do you wanna do it yourself? Listen man, I'm trying to share some of my knowledge with you. You know, you're a good kid. This is beautiful man, you can't bottle this sort of stuff, you know. I think it's... Ireland, there's parts of Ireland we don't know about man, this is fucking brilliant. Michael, keep chopping will ya, keep fucking chopping. But um, it is, it is, and a bit quieter man, a bit quieter. 'Cause I'm trying to... Quieter? What the fuck, Yannabe? You know what I mean, he's kinda...

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... He's not that cultured with, you know, about beauty and stuff. Are you gonna actually help me here? I will, but I'm trying to... ...be on about hips the whole time. Salmon, you have to be there in the mind before you go there in the body. You're not there in the mind. Are we all gonna fit in this car with this tree? Erm... You might have to walk, Michael. 18 euros. They're mahogany and everything. I'm serious. I'm serious. They'll last you five years. Walk from mahogany and they're child-proof.

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- Shit, blow more sir. Fuck off. Anyone a tree? A tree. Oh, the cats in the cradle and the silver spoon. The little boy blue and the man in the moon. When you're coming home, Dad, I don't know when. We'll be together then, son. You know we'll have a good time then. A serene Christmas, boys. Nice enough finished all Christmas time. Bit of fucking wham for you there, man. George Michael and the boys. You'd like that, wouldn't you? Gay boys.

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ing, they're just showing up every now and again, the Viper. Small town drug dealers around the town like. Fucking great old shoe man. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, get away. Yeah, fuck off man. You're gonna fucking hit me man. Leave it out man, leave it out man. The fucking sheds, the sheds, the sheds. The sheds man, the sheds. Fucking spooked man, the sheds. Get scared by the fucking cops cruising around is it? Look at this c*t. Don't bother with them, don't bother with them.

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- It's like wham! It's like wham! It's like wham! It's like wham! Leave him! He's going at him! - What'd you do? - What'd you fucking do to him? - Call an ambulance.