1
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: Welcome to Belfast! What channel am I going to be on? It was a glorious grey morning in Belfast. And as I set out for my Airbnb, kindly provided by the News Thing production crew, it was straight down the Sinn Féin shop for a bit of breakfast, where I filled up on boiled sweets and a refreshing chuck ear latte. Mmm. Belfast is the city of a thousand welcomes, and whether it's a local charm or intimidating murals, you're sure to feel right at home. You keep all them muslims, eh?

2
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: Pallets, Anger, UDA, DUP, UFF, lots of acronyms, the UFO even, the Ulster Flying Objects, George Best, the DUP. Word on the street was there was going to be a few sectarian boom-boom marches. Soldier boys were getting prepped with their bother boots. We came across our first Loyalist march. Sorry guys, what are you here for today? Equal me! Thanks! Do you not think it's a bit sectarian? No. What are you here for? Equal me!

3
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Again, more sectarian divisions being stoked up. Sorry, what you think of the DUP? We don't think about them. Don't think about the DUP, huh? What kind of loyalist march was this? After some consideration, I realized it wasn't a boom boom march, but an LGBT march. Less boom boom, more bum bum. Or fan fan if you're a lesbian. The search for more DUP sectarianism continued. We stopped off for an apple, but got a nasty surprise.

4
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on the DUP? Did they know we were coming? Our look was about to change. We had struck Orange, an actual marching band that liked the DUP. I think the DUP got a great deal for us in the coalition. Everyone has this vision of the DUP as some kind of dinosaurs. They're using the same sex marriage act and all. But let's remember, Germany only voted yesterday morning to allow same sex marriage.

5
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- So was the DUP so bad? DUP supporters may have regressive views on homosexuality, but when I found myself slap bang in the middle of a group of uniform men blowing hard on pipe, all was forgotten. DUP - Let's merge. Put on your orange sash and bowler hat. My time in Belfast was coming to an end, but I decided to help the DUP supporters with a lovely bonfire they were building. I was amazed at the amount of effort and tires they put into it.

6
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That amazement was sadly undone when I realized I had unwittingly contributed to a sectarian hate message. All I can say is I'd been duped. Or D-U-P-ed. Ed. D-D-D-U-P-ed. D-D-D-U-Ped. It doesn't work. I'm sorry. Thanks, Sam.