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Man in China puts stone on head

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and runs around the gaff like a

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lunatic.

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Oscar Pistorius gets six-year

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sentence for the crime that...

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Six-year? Are you fucking

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serious?

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German theme park unveils white-knuckle

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ride called Apollo 13.

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Hopefully that doesn't go tits

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up.

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And emotional scenes for Spider-Man,

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who has finally grown up, left

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home, and become a college

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lecturer.

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It's going great, yeah?

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I've stopped spinning webs and

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all that shite.

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Hopefully now I'll just earn a

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decent wage doing this.

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It's Vipers View. News made for

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you.

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Tony Blair, defiant monster of

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delusion.

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A monster man. Probably eats

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monster munch.

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He'd do it again, he says.

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We have concluded that the UK

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chose to join the invasion of

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Iraq

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before the peaceful options for

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disarmament had been exhausted.

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No shit!

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People of Scotland, along with

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the people of Northern Ireland,

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and the people of London,

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and lots and lots of people in

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Wales and England also.

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Yeah, a lot of people, yeah.

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Voted to remain.

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Right.

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I demand that that status be

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respected.

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That we in the north of Ireland

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are bound by a UK vote.

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Isn't it funny how Britain

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colonised a load of the world,

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and then they got embarrassed

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about it and had to give all

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the countries back, but they've

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still managed to keep the ones

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very close to them, like

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Scotland and a bit of Ireland.

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Like a separate fucking island

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that doesn't even belong to

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them.

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Should these countries not be

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allowed that kind of right

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themselves?

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It's a weird one, isn't it?

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Because you've got Northern

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Ireland, and that's got some

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British people in it, but then

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there's some Irish people here

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who want it to remain.

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And then Scotland, they have

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their own referendum.

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And I don't know.

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3D printing, man.

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It's the future.

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It's now.

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It's happening now.

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It's not even the future.

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Everything's 3D printed.

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Plates, cups, machine guns, and

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now instruments.

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And these lads were playing

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them in front of what looked

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like a load of sculpted vaginas.

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I was lucky enough to get

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myself a seat in the crowd.

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Sounds terrible.

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This is shite.

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It's not even in tune.

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It sounds fucking awful.

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We're living in a technological

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age where we're dominated by

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our smart phones.

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We're glued to them 24 hours a

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day, but the Buddhists have

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come up with their own app.

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In this case, it is not only

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for Buddhists, but it is also

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for anybody who is willing to

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socialize with other religious

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communities.

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Aren't the Buddhists so nice?

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I mean, they're so different to

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all the other religions.

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Like, all you hear about

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nowadays is just religious

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violence and horrible stuff

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going on and all that, but not

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Buddhists.

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Fuck all that shit, this

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bombing, the hatred, the

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horrible nature of the world at

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the moment, the way the state

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of the place is.

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This is how we should be living.

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We should take a leaf out of

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these lads' books.

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The Buddhists.

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Buddhists.

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Buddhists.

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Buddhism.

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Religion of peace.

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Friendly ladies.

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Out of all the religions,

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Buddhism seems to be the most

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peaceful.

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They don't wear suicide vests.

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They don't bomb over lands

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where they're bombing machines.

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Mr. Tip.

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Mr. Tip.

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Yes, nice to meet you.

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Nice to meet you as well.

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Yeah, yeah, yeah.

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Buddhism is to teach people to

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go.

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Good behavior.

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Okay.

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Good behavior.

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Okay.

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Good behavior.

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Okay.

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They have lovely arses.

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You can become a Buddhist too.

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First, you must buy your Crocs.

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You might feel like a dickhead,

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but you will feel more peaceful

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once you wear them.

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Then, elephant pants.

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Pants which symbolize elephants.

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I'm definitely not going to be

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taking anybody's life away.

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Or oppressing them or anything

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like that.

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Like any of the...

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Crispin juice.

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Muslin fiber.

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I'm not saying they're all bad

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as well.

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But come here.

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You never hear of a Buddhist

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doing anything bad, do you?

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After disembarking from the

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mouth of a giant Buddha man, it

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was time to worship the one

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main Buddha man of them all.

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The original crockmeister

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himself, Jimmy Nail.

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Crocadile shoes.

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Crocadile shoes.