1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:01,950 We cannot give in to fear or 2 00:00:01,950 --> 00:00:03,600 turn on each other. 3 00:00:03,600 --> 00:00:05,090 I'm gonna bomb the shit out of 4 00:00:05,090 --> 00:00:05,600 them. 5 00:00:05,600 --> 00:00:07,200 It's Vipers View. 6 00:00:07,200 --> 00:00:10,200 It's News Made For You. 7 00:00:11,200 --> 00:00:13,000 The land of sand. 8 00:00:13,000 --> 00:00:15,000 The dreamy land. 9 00:00:15,000 --> 00:00:18,000 The land of manned. 10 00:00:18,000 --> 00:00:19,000 Katmandu. 11 00:00:20,000 --> 00:00:22,200 Or Katman Coup, should I say. 12 00:00:22,200 --> 00:00:23,860 As it was over yonder in Turkey 13 00:00:23,860 --> 00:00:25,000 during the week. 14 00:00:25,000 --> 00:00:27,010 An old military coup that went 15 00:00:27,010 --> 00:00:28,800 tits up. Big shtile. 16 00:00:28,800 --> 00:00:30,610 This is the admiral here, the 17 00:00:30,610 --> 00:00:31,600 instigator. 18 00:00:31,600 --> 00:00:33,160 Must have had brass balls to 19 00:00:33,160 --> 00:00:34,000 start a coup. 20 00:00:35,000 --> 00:00:35,560 Now he's in brass cuffs it 21 00:00:35,560 --> 00:00:37,350 seems, or silver cuffs, or 22 00:00:37,350 --> 00:00:39,360 whatever metal they're made out 23 00:00:39,360 --> 00:00:39,800 of. 24 00:00:39,800 --> 00:00:41,100 The gist of what I'm trying to 25 00:00:41,100 --> 00:00:42,360 say is it wouldn't be nice to 26 00:00:42,360 --> 00:00:43,800 be cuffed in either metal. 27 00:00:43,800 --> 00:00:46,590 Pokemon Go! It's the new craze, 28 00:00:46,590 --> 00:00:48,290 and if you're not involved in 29 00:00:48,290 --> 00:00:50,000 it, you're an asswipe. 30 00:00:50,000 --> 00:00:51,600 This man had something to say. 31 00:00:51,600 --> 00:00:53,320 Aw, Pokemon Go, mate. It's 32 00:00:53,320 --> 00:00:54,600 fucking dead boss. 33 00:00:54,600 --> 00:00:55,970 All you have to do is download 34 00:00:55,970 --> 00:00:57,400 an app and you can find Pokemon 35 00:00:57,400 --> 00:00:58,600 anywhere you want. 36 00:00:58,600 --> 00:01:00,240 Simply download the app to your 37 00:01:00,240 --> 00:01:01,640 phone and find Pokemon all 38 00:01:01,640 --> 00:01:02,800 around the place. 39 00:01:02,800 --> 00:01:03,960 As well as other random people 40 00:01:03,960 --> 00:01:04,800 you've never met. 41 00:01:04,800 --> 00:01:06,420 There was a David Bowie style 42 00:01:06,420 --> 00:01:08,350 panda, or gorilla, or koala, or 43 00:01:08,350 --> 00:01:09,970 whatever the fuck you call it 44 00:01:09,970 --> 00:01:11,400 over in Australia. 45 00:01:11,400 --> 00:01:12,640 And they had two different 46 00:01:12,640 --> 00:01:13,400 coloured eyes. 47 00:01:13,400 --> 00:01:14,860 Proper face oddity job, do you 48 00:01:14,860 --> 00:01:15,800 know what I mean? 49 00:01:15,800 --> 00:01:17,400 But here's the real kicker. 50 00:01:17,400 --> 00:01:18,800 The poor creature had chlamydia. 51 00:01:18,800 --> 00:01:21,000 She already had chlamydia. 52 00:01:21,000 --> 00:01:22,000 She already had chlamydia cystitis. 53 00:01:22,000 --> 00:01:23,030 Ah, we've all been there in 54 00:01:23,030 --> 00:01:24,000 fairness, you know. 55 00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:25,830 Maybe she's just loose or 56 00:01:25,830 --> 00:01:27,000 Australian. 57 00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:28,520 Six of one, half a dozen of the 58 00:01:28,520 --> 00:01:30,000 other really, isn't it? 59 00:01:30,000 --> 00:01:33,200 Japanese men. 60 00:01:33,200 --> 00:01:34,200 Sniffing underwear. 61 00:01:34,200 --> 00:01:36,300 Not a stereotype I'm going to 62 00:01:36,300 --> 00:01:37,200 revel in. 63 00:01:37,200 --> 00:01:39,950 Um, I'll just let the footage 64 00:01:39,950 --> 00:01:42,200 do the speaking for me. 65 00:01:42,200 --> 00:01:44,200 Because this lad is ingenious. 66 00:01:44,200 --> 00:01:45,850 He just squirts into a jar, sniffs 67 00:01:45,850 --> 00:01:46,200 it. 68 00:01:46,200 --> 00:01:48,400 God knows what the scent is. 69 00:01:48,400 --> 00:01:49,580 Sticks a pair of undies in 70 00:01:49,580 --> 00:01:50,910 there and sells them online 71 00:01:50,910 --> 00:01:52,200 then for 60 quid. 72 00:01:52,200 --> 00:01:53,200 The dirt. 73 00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:54,600 Hawaiian breeze, is it? 74 00:01:54,600 --> 00:01:56,150 I'm going to make my own one 75 00:01:56,150 --> 00:01:58,000 called Wild Atlantic Wind. 76 00:01:58,000 --> 00:01:59,800 Wild Atlantic Wind. 77 00:01:59,800 --> 00:02:01,240 Pants which have been worn on 78 00:02:01,240 --> 00:02:02,600 the Wild Atlantic Wind. 79 00:02:02,600 --> 00:02:03,800 So goe kachi. 80 00:02:04,600 --> 00:02:05,200 Uuuh. 81 00:02:05,200 --> 00:02:06,000 Uuuh. 82 00:02:06,800 --> 00:02:07,800 Great onion. 83 00:02:08,800 --> 00:02:10,200 West of Ireland job. 84 00:02:10,200 --> 00:02:10,800 Fuck. 85 00:02:10,800 --> 00:02:11,990 Sealed for freshness in a 86 00:02:11,990 --> 00:02:12,800 plastic bag. 87 00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:14,400 20 euros postage and packaging. 88 00:02:14,400 --> 00:02:16,800 FrancisHiggins69@gmail.com 89 00:02:16,800 --> 00:02:18,000 Well I tell you what. 90 00:02:18,000 --> 00:02:20,030 All of us in Europe are living 91 00:02:20,030 --> 00:02:21,800 a fucking nightmare. 92 00:02:21,800 --> 00:02:22,800 Yeah. 93 00:02:22,800 --> 00:02:24,690 Loads of EDL boys started 94 00:02:24,690 --> 00:02:26,670 kicking off over yonder in 95 00:02:26,670 --> 00:02:27,600 England. 96 00:02:27,600 --> 00:02:28,600 Surprising. 97 00:02:28,600 --> 00:02:30,000 Uuuh. 98 00:02:30,000 --> 00:02:32,000 Uuuh. 99 00:02:32,000 --> 00:02:33,600 Very strong point in fairness. 100 00:02:33,600 --> 00:02:34,830 I used to think the EDL was a 101 00:02:34,830 --> 00:02:36,000 football division. 102 00:02:36,000 --> 00:02:37,000 One of the shit ones. 103 00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:37,800 But it's not. 104 00:02:37,800 --> 00:02:40,250 It's just an organisation of lads 105 00:02:40,250 --> 00:02:42,570 who love cans, flags and, um, 106 00:02:42,570 --> 00:02:43,400 masks. 107 00:02:43,400 --> 00:02:45,690 Some lad had even made up an EDL 108 00:02:45,690 --> 00:02:47,760 manifesto, which featured a 109 00:02:47,760 --> 00:02:50,000 slightly unsettling fixation on 110 00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:50,680 bacon. 111 00:02:50,680 --> 00:02:51,800 Great to see you have the 112 00:02:51,800 --> 00:02:53,250 priorities right EDL, keep on 113 00:02:53,250 --> 00:02:54,760 trucking in the free world. 114 00:02:54,760 --> 00:02:59,480 *Dies in the background* 115 00:02:59,480 --> 00:03:01,570 Live to Rio de Janeiro now, two 116 00:03:01,570 --> 00:03:03,710 weeks away from the Olympics, 117 00:03:03,710 --> 00:03:05,800 and things are looking mighty. 118 00:03:05,800 --> 00:03:08,660 Uh, mighty fucking bad. Some 119 00:03:08,660 --> 00:03:10,160 poor lad's leggy in our arm is 120 00:03:10,160 --> 00:03:11,650 getting a rub down there by a 121 00:03:11,650 --> 00:03:12,680 man with a gun. 122 00:03:12,680 --> 00:03:14,600 Was it him? Who cares? Stretcher's 123 00:03:14,600 --> 00:03:16,430 in place, he's gonna be fine. 124 00:03:16,430 --> 00:03:18,410 Nice M16s boys. The Olympics is 125 00:03:18,410 --> 00:03:19,480 gonna be grand. 126 00:03:19,480 --> 00:03:20,120 *Dies in the background* 127 00:03:20,120 --> 00:03:22,040 Great news for fans of recently 128 00:03:22,040 --> 00:03:24,130 passed actor Alan Rickman, who's 129 00:03:24,130 --> 00:03:26,040 being reanimated as a Rickshaw 130 00:03:26,040 --> 00:03:27,880 carrying robot in China. 131 00:03:28,840 --> 00:03:30,330 The primitive wooden Alan Rickshaw 132 00:03:30,330 --> 00:03:32,360 can carry a man two kilometers 133 00:03:32,360 --> 00:03:34,510 before his batteries need to be 134 00:03:34,510 --> 00:03:35,400 changed. 135 00:03:35,400 --> 00:03:37,280 Alan Rickshaw comes with stock 136 00:03:37,280 --> 00:03:38,710 phrases from many of his 137 00:03:38,710 --> 00:03:40,660 classic films, including this 138 00:03:40,660 --> 00:03:41,960 gem from Die Hard. 139 00:03:41,960 --> 00:03:43,960 Do I have a machine gun? 140 00:03:43,960 --> 00:03:47,960 Ho, ho, ho. 141 00:03:47,960 --> 00:03:51,120 That was the news. I hope you 142 00:03:51,120 --> 00:03:54,990 don't have the blues. Because 143 00:03:54,990 --> 00:03:57,330 some of that news was very, 144 00:03:57,330 --> 00:03:58,960 very sad news. 145 00:03:58,960 --> 00:04:01,370 By the time the FBI figures out 146 00:04:01,370 --> 00:04:03,840 what's going on, we'll be on a 147 00:04:03,840 --> 00:04:05,960 beach earning 20%.