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Brazilian cops raided the hotel

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of Irish IOC delegate Pat Hickey

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in the wee small hours of the

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morning.

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His crime? Flogging tickets on

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the side of his 13 grand

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paycheck.

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I got myself a seat in the

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corridor.

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Pat? Come out Pat. Nice

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dressing gown Pat.

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The jig is up Pat. Don't

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pretend like you can't hear me.

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You've been rumbled Pat.

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How come you were selling

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tickets? Bit of pocket money

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yeah?

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You're coming down to the

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station. I'm gonna follow you

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in a car Pat.

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It's Piper's View. It's News

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Made For You.

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Johnny Depp is set to divorce

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the wife Amber Heard.

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Apparently she heard that there

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was fast cash to be made by

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playing your husband like a fiddle.

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But was Depp being the bollocks?

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Who knows?

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Fortunately Amber recorded

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everything while he was drunk

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and didn't know about it.

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Motherfucker! What happened?

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Motherfucker!

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Where's your credit card honey?

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Real Madrid. I woke up this

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morning and you were nice and

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sweet and what happened?

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Fear and love in Las Vegas.

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What honey?

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How much money do you have?

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I have quite a considerable

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amount of money yes.

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Motherfucker! Crazy! What

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happened?

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You went crazy? I'll show you

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crazy. I'll show you crazy.

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Did you drink all of this wine

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this morning?

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Yes. Nice wine.

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Where's your credit card? You

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got a camera? Motherfucker!

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How much money do you have?

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Playtime.

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What's going on? Where's the

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teacher?

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Over in the Ukraine.

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Fucking hell that's a nice desk.

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You pay a pretty penny for that

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in Argos or Ikea.

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Do they even know what the

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crack is?

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Smash!

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Take that you fucking plant.

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Who's he texting in the middle

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of all this?

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Is he in security or what?

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Fucking hell.

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Ukraine man. I don't know what's

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going on there.

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I know I should because this is

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Russia today but conveniently I

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don't.

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Venezuela. Land of a thousand

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welcomes.

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Or that's Ireland actually.

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I don't know what Venezuela is

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the land of.

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But it doesn't look welcoming

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if I'm to be honest with you

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now.

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They've got some poor lad by

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the arms there.

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Hopefully he's okay.

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He looks drunk.

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I don't know why they're

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teasing him.

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Maybe it's because he looks

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different.

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Maybe they're giving him some

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assistance or something.

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Oh my god.

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They're setting him on fire.

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Jesus Christ.

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I know he looked different but

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you don't burn someone for

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looking different.

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Fucking hell Venezuela.

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Oh he's made a paper.

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Huh.

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I thought I was a real human.

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He's made a paper.

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Ah fair play to you Venezuela.

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Even though it is a bit weird.

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It's a bit strange.

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What you're doing.

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The river Seine looked magical

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last night.

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As fancy upper middle class

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bourgeoisie people over in

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Paris paid tribute to two bald

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fellas.

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I don't know who they are.

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But you can really imagine this

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lad playing a harmonica outside

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the Aztec zone while you're scrambling

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around for a crystal.

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They're artists who design some

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massive butt plugs.

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Inflatable jobs I'd say.

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One of the Mythbusters was

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there.

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And just loads of other soft shites.

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The whole thing looked entirely

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boring.

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And if you needed any proof of

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this.

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Just check out Mythbuster here

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falling asleep.

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Still though.

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Chocolate dildos.

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Who'd have thought it.

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Not me that's for sure.

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With Christmas around the

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corner why not buy one of these.

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If they don't melt in your hand.

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Then they definitely will.

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In your arse.

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Hidden Conspiracies of the Week.

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Hillary Rodham Clinton.

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Clinton.

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Herculean Bill had sex once.

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He used to be the president.

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Isn't that a coincidence?

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He had the weasel greased by a

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Jewish woman.

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Are the Jews involved?

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George Soros.

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Boyney Saintes.

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Wants to support Hillary.

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Well I know why.

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In the middle of the night.

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She used to be against the gays.

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Now she's for the gays.

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It's a gay conundrum.

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Was her name once Hillary Badminton.

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What was your real name Hillary?

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She's a woman.

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Some people are saying she has

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a penis.

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Is there a grain of nugget in

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that truth?

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Hills or Trump.

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Hills or Trump.

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Hillary or Trump.

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Hillary or Trump.

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They're fucking cheats.

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That's me.

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I never boxed for Aiba again.

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They're cheating bastards.

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They're paying everybody.

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And no I don't give a fuck.

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Curse me on TV.

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Bye.

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you

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Thank you.