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Dispatches from space.

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Houston, we have landed on Mars.

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There is a barrier to us

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progressing on the mission. I

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have a spot on my arse. I'm

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gonna get my colleague to

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squeeze it. Hopefully it pops.

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Oh, we popped the spot. We

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popped her. She's a beauty.

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This has been one small step

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for men, one giant spot on my

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arse. What are you laughing at?

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You cuss.

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I have a feeling that by the

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end of this evening I'm gonna

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be blamed for everything that's

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ever happened. Why not? Why not?

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Yeah, why not?

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As well as being sound to

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refugees, the Germans are class

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at futuristic sex.

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Do you like what you see? Look

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at my crotch. Oh, fuck. What

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time do you knock off, you sexy

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bitch? I don't know what

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clothes I'd say. I'm gonna dish

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out a few handjobs and see how

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we get on.

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Girls, shut up and dance. I'm

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not paying you to speak.

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How's it going, folks? Shamey O'Fueli

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here today coming to you live

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from Temple Bar. Just gonna be

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covering the repeal the 8th

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protests. We've got murals up.

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We've got our repeal the 8th t-shirts

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on. I have to say, like, it's a

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great kind of conversation

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starter when, you know, you're

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out in the fucking Bernard Shaw

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and shit. Like, you know, just,

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you know, I'm still not 100%

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sure on what it's about.

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Or, you know, where the whole

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thing is going, but, you know,

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it's a cool thing.

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Some Bible basher has built

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Noah's Ark to spec using 100

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million dollars.

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100 million dollars.

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I don't trust the guy who built

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the fucking thing. Look at him.

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He's wearing those transition

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lenses. And you know who wears

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those glasses, don't you? Real

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dodgy fucking, you know.

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On ceremonial ribbon cutting,

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we saw a ribbon fall before it

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was even cut. Which was strange.

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No. No! Please, no!

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Meet Charlie, the German Terrapin

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with terrible pain. Look, when

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you take him out the box, all

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you can do is turn around

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slowly like a tit. Here's his

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owner.

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I bought Charlie to take my

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mind off the fags I'd given up,

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but it turned out you couldn't

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move, so I took him to a

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specialist.

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Just give me five minutes alone

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with this turtle, some Lego and

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a bit of glue.

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Little shite.

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That's a fantastic trophy.

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I'm here with fucking Bernadetto

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fucking Flaherty, chairperson

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for the Trinity Association of

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Guardian Readers. Tell me a

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little bit about this whole, uh,

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repeal the 8 thing, you know?

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We've just been trying to, like,

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galvanize everyone behind this

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movement, uh, similar to the

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movement for gay marriage.

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Which fucking movement do you

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think is cooler?

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Eh, I'm... I'm...

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Like, that whole gay marriage

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thing appeared pretty quickly,

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so it wasn't as fucking class

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to hang out in gay bars and

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stuff afterwards.

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Do you think it won't be as

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cool to kind of, like, hang out

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with women, like, uh, after

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repeal the 8th?

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I don't even know how to answer

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that.

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Good stuff. Well, listen, it

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was great talking to you.

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*cough* Sorry you fucking

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choking down a bit of fucking

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pale ale and a fucking chicken

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wing.

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Cock Zuckerberg was giving an

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old speech, but I was in the

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crowd, and I put him off.

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No, hate speech has no place on,

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on Facebook and in our

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community.

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ARA fuck up!

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And...

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*Clapping*

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And, and honestly...

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Immigrant!

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Uh, um, hate speech against

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migrants.

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And...

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*Clapping*

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Um...

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Um...

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And, and, and, um...

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Stay out to vote!

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Um...

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We start engaging more, uh,

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with government, uh, with

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government, uh, with government...

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Spend a lot of time on Facebook,

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and Twitter, and all these

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things.

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All of us are gonna have the

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power to broadcast live!

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*Clapping*

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I get to be who I want to be

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online.

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People know who I am, man.

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And that's why Facebook is

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investing.

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Government.

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Government.

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Government.

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When I get home then, I like to

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see things on the big screen.

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I hate other people, and I

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scream at them from time to

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time.

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But, Xanax works to keep that

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at a minimum, you know?

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You know?

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You know?

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You know?

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We've only just started to

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explore...

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Government.

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I have a girlfriend, but we don't

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have sex anymore.

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I have a girlfriend, but we don't

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have sex anymore.

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Today she said she left.

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She isn't coming back.

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She isn't coming back.

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Because of my addiction.

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This year we've been working to

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make Facebook the best platform

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for government.

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Government.

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Government.

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Government.

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Government.

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Government.

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you

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Thank you.