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This is a story about how

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humans became convinced they

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could achieve their destiny

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through violence.

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Whilst in Europe, the very same

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humans were becoming

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increasingly right-wing.

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Our leaders told us that

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everything would be alright,

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but this was a lie.

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And in America, black people

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began to protest because deep

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down, all humans ever really

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desired was a little doggy

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called Muttman.

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"The dog's doing great all

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together, yeah. Great paw

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structure, yeah. He's a sweet

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little piece. Yeah, his paws

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are great.

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His knobbing is furry enough

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now. There's no sign of

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lipstick, but you know,

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tomorrow never comes."

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"He's a sweet little piece,

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aren't ya? A sweet little piece!"

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A 19th century schoolhouse has

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been vandalised by hoodlums.

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The daubings, which varied in

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skill and execution, included a

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pair of breasts, with tits

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written underneath,

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a stick man called Real Bitch,

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and to finish off, a comedy

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penis, with a few droplets of

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spunk.

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Residents had this to say:

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"I am... disgusted."

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Yeah, not too disgusted that

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you didn't get a dick pic,

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though. You're wrongin'.

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"I'm a lovely ginn."

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Hello and welcome back to this

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week's Lotto Ball. Today the

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numbers are 5, 6, 17, 64, and I...

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59.

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And we have Robert Mugabe

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waiting to take the stage here

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at the UN Summit. Great

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anticipation here for what he

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has to say.

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"We are not gays."

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Well, there you have it. You

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can't see he's not speaking his

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mind.

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Mugabe's words had spoilt my

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dinner.

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"We are not gays."

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"As my daddy shook, dropping

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his Newbridge silver."

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"No son of mine will ever be

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gay."

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"We are not gays."

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"A gulf span between us, like

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the vast desert Mojave."

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"We are not gays."

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"I say we're all gay daddy."

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"Except for you."

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"And Mugabe."

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"You ever watch TED Talks, hey?"

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A lot of them are shite, but I

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saw one the other day where

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they got a robot to tell jokes.

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But he was from a different age.

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"Let the robot stand up comedy

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begin."

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"Whaaah, me fucking back."

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"We got a few women in the

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audience."

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"You know what I think about

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women?"

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"You can't live with them."

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"You can't live with them."

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"And you can't live with them."

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"You're not having that one?"

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"Why do women have legs?"

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"No."

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"So they can get from the

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kitchen to the bedroom."

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"Tough crowd, innit?"

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"That explains absolutely

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nothing!"

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"Do you want genetics to go out

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of business?"

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There's something funny about

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atheists, isn't there?

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You know, the ones who argue

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against God as if humankind is

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something worth believing in.

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Let's just look at the last

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hundred years of humans.

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"Revolution in Russia."

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"Dead fuckers."

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"You had the Great Depression."

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"First World War."

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"Dead fuckers."

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"World War Two."

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"Dead fuckers on the biggest

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scale yet."

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"Organized genocide."

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"Nuclear weapons."

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"Well done humans and science,

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you're completely right."

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"And people who believe in a

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brighter day are fucking

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ignorant."

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"State words.

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"Final breakfast and win a

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prize."

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"Mary in Port Arlington, how

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are things?"

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"Hello, Francis."

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"Hello, Francis."

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"Hello, Francis."

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"It's great to see your face on

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the Lotto Ball.

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Have you always liked the show?"

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"This is Mary here from Port Arlington."

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"Shamas, how are things?"

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"Yeah, how are ya?"

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"Great to see you.

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Great to see you looking well."

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"Is there anyone at home you'd

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like to give a lovely wave to?"

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"I'd like to give a big wave to

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all my grandchildren and all

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the family."

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"And we, and I would like to

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say hello everyone in the town

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and say thanks for all the

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support."

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"Thanks again."

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"Thanks again."

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"I'd like to say thanks for all

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the support."

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"Thanks again."

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"I'd like to say thanks again."

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"I'd like to say thanks again."

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"I'd like to say thanks again."

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"I'd like to say thanks again."

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"I'd like to say thanks again."

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"Oh, I'd like to say thanks

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again."

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"Oh, I'd like to say thanks

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again."

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"Oh, I'd like to say thanks

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again."

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"Oh, I'd like to say thanks

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again."

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"Oh, I'd like to say thanks

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again."

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"Oh, I'd like to say thanks

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again."

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"Oh, I'd like to say thanks

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again."

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"Oh, I'd like to say thanks

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again."

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"Oh, I'd like to say thanks

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again."

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"Oh, I'd like to say thanks

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again."

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"Oh, I'd like to say thanks

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again again."

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"Oh, I'd like to say thanks

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again again."

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"Oh, I'd like to say thanks

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again again."

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"Oh, I'd like to say thanks

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again again."

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"Oh, I'd like to say thanks

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again again."

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"Oh, I'd like to say thanks

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again again."

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"Oh, I'd like to say thanks

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again again."

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"Oh, I'd like to say thanks

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again again."

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"Oh, I'd like to say thanks

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again again."

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"Oh, I'd like to say thanks

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again again."

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"Oh, I'd like to say thanks

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again again."

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"Oh, I'd like to say thanks

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again again."

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"Oh, I'd like to say thanks

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again again."

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"Oh, I'd like to say thanks

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again again."

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"Oh, I'd like to say thanks

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again again."