1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:01,780 Very sleazy. In the back of an 2 00:00:01,780 --> 00:00:03,580 airplane. On the tarmac. On the 3 00:00:03,580 --> 00:00:05,770 tarmac. Very sleazy. On the tarmac. 4 00:00:05,770 --> 00:00:07,050 In the back of an airplane. He 5 00:00:07,050 --> 00:00:09,540 basically said, you complain, I'll 6 00:00:09,540 --> 00:00:11,790 get you deported. You complain, 7 00:00:11,790 --> 00:00:14,380 I'll get you deported. Very sleazy. 8 00:00:14,380 --> 00:00:16,990 I'll get you deported. Very sleazy. 9 00:00:16,990 --> 00:00:18,820 I'll get you deported. 10 00:00:22,000 --> 00:00:23,380 World News. 11 00:00:23,880 --> 00:00:25,600 Speaking of the patriarchy, a 12 00:00:25,600 --> 00:00:27,400 Russian robot met the Patriarch 13 00:00:27,400 --> 00:00:29,260 of Russia himself the other day, 14 00:00:29,260 --> 00:00:30,730 extending his mechanical 15 00:00:30,730 --> 00:00:32,530 welcome with a handshake. But 16 00:00:32,530 --> 00:00:34,270 the Patriarch held back. The 17 00:00:34,270 --> 00:00:35,930 robot countered the slight by 18 00:00:35,930 --> 00:00:37,540 holding out his left hand and 19 00:00:37,540 --> 00:00:39,070 performing a kind of move, 20 00:00:39,070 --> 00:00:40,720 which I hadn't seen since I was 21 00:00:40,720 --> 00:00:42,450 a young buck at the discos. We 22 00:00:42,450 --> 00:00:44,040 used to call it, feeding the 23 00:00:44,040 --> 00:00:45,980 pony. Hard luck for the robot. 24 00:00:45,980 --> 00:00:47,760 This bishop's frigid. 25 00:00:47,760 --> 00:00:50,210 Scores of millennial assholes 26 00:00:50,210 --> 00:00:52,480 make cool movements inside a 27 00:00:52,480 --> 00:00:55,010 clubhouse. As a mousy looking 28 00:00:55,010 --> 00:00:57,440 goth minstrel twiddles the nub 29 00:00:57,440 --> 00:00:59,930 of a fuzz box, creating a sound 30 00:00:59,930 --> 00:01:02,330 which can only be described as 31 00:01:02,330 --> 00:01:04,770 cuntish. Fair play to Skrillex, 32 00:01:04,770 --> 00:01:06,580 although it must be said. If it 33 00:01:06,580 --> 00:01:08,230 wasn't for MDMA, he'd be down 34 00:01:08,230 --> 00:01:09,860 the job center being refused 35 00:01:09,860 --> 00:01:11,410 work on the grounds that his 36 00:01:11,410 --> 00:01:12,940 hands were too soft. 37 00:01:12,940 --> 00:01:15,660 Julian Assange is trapped 38 00:01:15,660 --> 00:01:17,940 inside an embassy. 39 00:01:17,940 --> 00:01:20,190 21 of the Chibok Nigerian 40 00:01:20,190 --> 00:01:22,560 schoolgirls kidnapped by Boko 41 00:01:22,560 --> 00:01:24,890 Haram, not to be confused with 42 00:01:24,890 --> 00:01:27,680 60s prog rockers Prokol Haram, 43 00:01:27,680 --> 00:01:29,760 have been returned to their 44 00:01:29,760 --> 00:01:30,940 families. 45 00:01:30,940 --> 00:01:33,000 But over 100 girls are still 46 00:01:33,000 --> 00:01:34,980 believed to be missing in the Keno 47 00:01:34,980 --> 00:01:37,280 Domaturu Borneo State Area. The 48 00:01:37,280 --> 00:01:39,060 Nigerian PM Barani was on hand 49 00:01:39,060 --> 00:01:40,890 to reassure everyone that we 50 00:01:40,890 --> 00:01:42,940 was getting this 21 out. 51 00:01:42,940 --> 00:01:47,370 We hope to go about securing 52 00:01:47,370 --> 00:01:50,700 the balance. Like the way he 53 00:01:50,700 --> 00:01:51,980 referred to the rest of the 54 00:01:51,980 --> 00:01:53,840 kidnapped girls as "the balance". 55 00:01:53,840 --> 00:01:55,280 As though they were some kind 56 00:01:55,280 --> 00:01:55,940 of stock. 57 00:01:55,940 --> 00:01:57,410 Borani raised a few more 58 00:01:57,410 --> 00:01:59,250 eyebrows when a journo had the 59 00:01:59,250 --> 00:02:00,950 cheek to ask him who his wife 60 00:02:00,950 --> 00:02:01,940 supported. 61 00:02:01,940 --> 00:02:04,950 I don't know which party my 62 00:02:04,950 --> 00:02:07,770 wife belongs to, but she 63 00:02:07,770 --> 00:02:11,140 belongs to my kitchen and my 64 00:02:11,140 --> 00:02:14,940 living room and the other room. 65 00:02:14,940 --> 00:02:16,350 Well Boko, how are things? What 66 00:02:16,350 --> 00:02:16,940 time is it? 67 00:02:16,940 --> 00:02:19,280 It's time for a Bollican! Bollican! 68 00:02:19,280 --> 00:02:19,940 Bollican! Bollican! 69 00:02:21,940 --> 00:02:22,690 You had no right to take those 70 00:02:22,690 --> 00:02:25,940 schoolgirls from their holes. 71 00:02:26,940 --> 00:02:28,390 There's no doubt about it, ye 72 00:02:28,390 --> 00:02:29,940 boys are dodgy. 73 00:02:29,940 --> 00:02:31,520 I'm not for the death penalty 74 00:02:31,520 --> 00:02:33,220 myself, but in this case, how 75 00:02:33,220 --> 00:02:34,650 instance, these Boko boys 76 00:02:34,650 --> 00:02:36,010 should have been put to Bobo's 77 00:02:36,010 --> 00:02:36,940 a long time ago! 78 00:02:36,940 --> 00:02:39,330 I'm after burning the sausages 79 00:02:39,330 --> 00:02:42,000 Boko because I'm so mad witchy! 80 00:02:42,000 --> 00:02:45,940 Oh no. Oh god no. Ah shit. 81 00:02:45,940 --> 00:02:49,110 Bit of crack. An escape is 82 00:02:49,110 --> 00:02:52,180 underway. At the refugee centre 83 00:02:52,180 --> 00:02:54,990 over in Spain. Christmas has 84 00:02:54,990 --> 00:02:57,060 come early. Santa Claus there. 85 00:02:57,060 --> 00:02:58,550 I hope he isn't coming down my 86 00:02:58,550 --> 00:02:59,940 chimney at Christmas. 87 00:02:59,940 --> 00:03:03,110 The poor Syrian migrants. Look 88 00:03:03,110 --> 00:03:06,160 at all the women and children. 89 00:03:06,160 --> 00:03:08,870 Although they seem to be just 90 00:03:08,870 --> 00:03:12,100 young muscly men. And they're 91 00:03:12,100 --> 00:03:14,940 not Syrian. What's going on? 92 00:03:14,940 --> 00:03:15,340 Go on that. 93 00:03:15,340 --> 00:03:33,820 *music*