1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:01,620 Pope Francis took time out of 2 00:00:01,620 --> 00:00:03,370 his busy schedule to meet fans 3 00:00:03,370 --> 00:00:05,150 the other day, including the 4 00:00:05,150 --> 00:00:06,880 old man from Disney's Up. 5 00:00:07,800 --> 00:00:08,280 The old man tried to win the 6 00:00:08,280 --> 00:00:09,970 Pope's interest with talk of a 7 00:00:09,970 --> 00:00:11,710 painting, but he wasn't arsed, 8 00:00:11,710 --> 00:00:13,250 turning away and hurting the 9 00:00:13,250 --> 00:00:14,400 man's feelings. 10 00:00:14,740 --> 00:00:15,810 The tension was palpable as 11 00:00:15,810 --> 00:00:17,020 everybody stood for the 12 00:00:17,020 --> 00:00:18,380 official Pope anthem. 13 00:00:26,480 --> 00:00:28,140 Over to Gambia now. 14 00:00:28,140 --> 00:00:34,260 Oh, what are they at? 15 00:00:34,640 --> 00:00:37,020 Who lives in a gaff like this? 16 00:00:37,340 --> 00:00:39,210 Well, I'll tell you, it's the 17 00:00:39,210 --> 00:00:40,940 world's oldest lady. 18 00:00:41,320 --> 00:00:43,640 She's 117, God bless her, and 19 00:00:43,640 --> 00:00:45,260 she had this to say. 20 00:00:47,500 --> 00:00:47,940 What? 21 00:00:51,080 --> 00:00:51,900 Hope she's alright, she sounds 22 00:00:51,900 --> 00:00:53,560 banjaxed. 23 00:00:53,560 --> 00:00:54,980 Julian Assange has denied 24 00:00:54,980 --> 00:00:56,180 claims he's a raper, 25 00:00:56,360 --> 00:00:57,850 releasing a large statement 26 00:00:57,850 --> 00:00:59,310 which details that the sex he 27 00:00:59,310 --> 00:01:00,570 had was consensual and 28 00:01:00,570 --> 00:01:01,280 enjoyable. 29 00:01:01,480 --> 00:01:02,950 The document also contained 30 00:01:02,950 --> 00:01:04,680 some steamy love erotica. 31 00:01:05,020 --> 00:01:06,640 At the museum, an IMAX film was 32 00:01:06,640 --> 00:01:08,540 playing, where she kissed me 33 00:01:08,540 --> 00:01:10,140 and placed my hands on her 34 00:01:10,140 --> 00:01:10,980 breasts. 35 00:01:11,160 --> 00:01:12,500 Ha ha ha, IMAX. 36 00:01:12,560 --> 00:01:13,730 Reporters at the Ecuadorian 37 00:01:13,730 --> 00:01:15,130 embassy were hoping for Assange 38 00:01:15,130 --> 00:01:15,840 to comment. 39 00:01:16,180 --> 00:01:18,000 Instead, they were greeted by a 40 00:01:18,000 --> 00:01:19,270 gentrified cat with an 41 00:01:19,270 --> 00:01:21,140 accompanying PA message loop. 42 00:01:21,140 --> 00:01:22,340 The sex was enjoyable. 43 00:01:23,140 --> 00:01:24,800 It was consensual and enjoyable. 44 00:01:25,300 --> 00:01:25,800 G'day mate. 45 00:01:26,260 --> 00:01:27,520 I'm definitely still alive. 46 00:01:28,340 --> 00:01:28,920 G'day mate. 47 00:01:29,100 --> 00:01:30,880 More bloody floods around the 48 00:01:30,880 --> 00:01:31,480 place. 49 00:01:31,540 --> 00:01:32,860 It's getting beyond the joke 50 00:01:32,860 --> 00:01:33,160 now. 51 00:01:33,280 --> 00:01:34,520 Somebody needs to pull the plug 52 00:01:34,520 --> 00:01:34,920 on it. 53 00:01:35,080 --> 00:01:36,710 I was driving my car, and my 54 00:01:36,710 --> 00:01:38,390 car got stuck in the floods 55 00:01:38,390 --> 00:01:40,100 back there behind me. 56 00:01:40,180 --> 00:01:41,140 What a lemonhead. 57 00:01:41,260 --> 00:01:42,510 He should have watched the PSA 58 00:01:42,510 --> 00:01:43,000 I made. 59 00:01:43,220 --> 00:01:45,340 It's a rainy day outside. 60 00:01:45,580 --> 00:01:47,470 Along the road of life you 61 00:01:47,470 --> 00:01:50,500 drive, trying to get home safe. 62 00:01:50,920 --> 00:01:53,940 Cozy fire and TV away. 63 00:01:54,000 --> 00:01:56,560 You drive into a puddle, and 64 00:01:56,560 --> 00:01:59,130 soon you are in trouble as you 65 00:01:59,130 --> 00:02:00,540 float away. 66 00:02:01,040 --> 00:02:03,350 What a horrible twist to the 67 00:02:03,350 --> 00:02:04,120 day. 68 00:02:04,120 --> 00:02:06,040 Your focus hits the tree bark 69 00:02:06,040 --> 00:02:08,440 like a hatchback pinball dream. 70 00:02:08,760 --> 00:02:10,640 Soon you're snared inside some 71 00:02:10,640 --> 00:02:12,770 branches, no one hears you as 72 00:02:12,770 --> 00:02:13,880 you scream. 73 00:02:14,020 --> 00:02:15,180 Watch out for the puddles. 74 00:02:15,600 --> 00:02:16,780 It's early Hebdo, huh? 75 00:02:17,320 --> 00:02:19,140 Still going strong, despite the 76 00:02:19,140 --> 00:02:21,770 minor setback of being third-worlded 77 00:02:21,770 --> 00:02:23,520 by the Boom Boom Boys. 78 00:02:24,520 --> 00:02:26,200 Fucking Harold and Kumar go 79 00:02:26,200 --> 00:02:27,740 large, Jab. 80 00:02:27,780 --> 00:02:28,670 They went large that day, I 81 00:02:28,670 --> 00:02:29,140 tell you. 82 00:02:29,440 --> 00:02:31,250 I seen the drawings, and I wasn't 83 00:02:31,250 --> 00:02:33,340 laughing, to be honest, which 84 00:02:33,340 --> 00:02:34,660 is daft old shite. 85 00:02:34,800 --> 00:02:35,810 Who is this Charlie Hebdo, 86 00:02:35,810 --> 00:02:36,300 anyway? 87 00:02:36,440 --> 00:02:39,280 Fashion Wank with Charlie Hebdo. 88 00:02:39,680 --> 00:02:41,020 The Winter Collection. 89 00:02:41,280 --> 00:02:42,280 Lovely gloves. 90 00:02:42,420 --> 00:02:43,100 She looks amazing. 91 00:02:43,100 --> 00:02:44,320 Warm scarf. 92 00:02:44,680 --> 00:02:45,900 The Bonanza Brothers. 93 00:02:45,920 --> 00:02:46,840 She looks fantastic. 94 00:02:47,220 --> 00:02:47,780 Asexual. 95 00:02:48,280 --> 00:02:49,640 Gender neutral. 96 00:02:50,100 --> 00:02:51,220 Asian girlfriend. 97 00:02:51,660 --> 00:02:52,800 She's a little angel. 98 00:02:53,100 --> 00:02:54,100 Too much cocaine. 99 00:02:54,100 --> 00:02:55,860 Bill and Ben. 100 00:02:55,860 --> 00:02:57,860 The Flower Pot Men. 101 00:02:59,100 --> 00:03:00,900 You join us in Siberia for the 102 00:03:00,900 --> 00:03:04,660 unveiling of a brand new statue. 103 00:03:05,660 --> 00:03:06,740 The sky is grey. 104 00:03:07,560 --> 00:03:08,620 The scene is bleak. 105 00:03:09,360 --> 00:03:10,760 And now the unveiling of the 106 00:03:10,760 --> 00:03:12,200 statue begins. 107 00:03:13,200 --> 00:03:14,020 And there we have it. 108 00:03:15,520 --> 00:03:18,000 It's Stalin. 109 00:03:18,900 --> 00:03:19,980 Let's not question it. 110 00:03:19,980 --> 00:03:21,400 I'm sure the people laying 111 00:03:21,400 --> 00:03:23,120 flowers have their reasons. 112 00:03:23,660 --> 00:03:24,790 Although it's hard to determine 113 00:03:24,790 --> 00:03:26,400 what they would be exactly. 114 00:03:27,240 --> 00:03:28,010 I mean, I know it's not a PC 115 00:03:28,010 --> 00:03:29,480 thing to say, but he was a 116 00:03:29,480 --> 00:03:30,800 fucking mentler. 117 00:03:31,460 --> 00:03:32,550 Then again, he had a great 118 00:03:32,550 --> 00:03:33,420 mustache. 119 00:03:35,700 --> 00:03:37,060 He was no angel though.