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There we have a large vagina

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which is doing the rounds in

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Spain. How are you meant to

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explain that to a child? You

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know, you can't is the short

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answer for that. I mean, you

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would have to lie. You would

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have to say that's just a pink

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avocado and they are a militant

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vegan group who want equal

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rights for pink avocados.

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I mean, if I was to go around

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with a pepe mache cock in

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public, I'd be locked up. You

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know, it just wouldn't happen

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in today's society.

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Japan now where a giant penis

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has been paraded through public.

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Well, never underestimate the

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Japanese. Are they genius savants

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or are they just a bunch of

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fucking nutbags? You decide.

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*Sings of the movie*

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Listen up, you fucking wanks.

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It's movie news. Who's this?

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Emma Stone. Oh no, it's not

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Emma Stone actually. Who the f-

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what's her fucking name again?

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Uh, Keira... Potter.

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Potter. Geera Potter. She's

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great. Who's that? Fucking Ryan

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Gosling. Oh no it's not fucking

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Ryan Gosling. What's his name?

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Who's that fucking creep? Jim.

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Here's the trailer anyways. And

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I'm gonna sit through it so you

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don't have to. Bill Condon.

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Sounds like Condon. I'm sorry

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Bill it was a weak effort but

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fuck it I've only a few minutes

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to kill.

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In fairness to Condon is

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cinematography's class. If you

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want my verdict though give it

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a miss. It looks shy. Well it's

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time for a bollockin. Isis. I've

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a bone to pick with ye now over

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the ancient city of Palmyra.

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You know what I'm talking about.

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Don't pretend like you don't

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know. Now ye had control over

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the ancient city of Palmyra for

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a while. It was a beautiful

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place Isis but you turned it

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into a fucking kip. You gacked

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around the gaff breaking stones

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and blocks and statues and

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whatnot. You coulda charged a

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tenor in. And

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made a few pound off it but you're

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too busy beheading and bombing

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the fuck out of everything.

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We have left us with a shit tip

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ISIS you need to come back and

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clean it up.

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How are you getting on? This is

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Viper Higgins here bringing you

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some gameplay footage for the

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first time in a long time.

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I'm glad to be back in the

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saddle. It's loading up. Bighorn

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Ridge. I could make a joke

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there about a cock or something

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but I won't.

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Bang. Deer. Dead. Doh. A deer.

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A fucking dead deer man. Bullets

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in a skull. Another one. Ray. A

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drop of golden death.

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That was nice. Now we're gonna

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move on to some stags. Look at

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these lovely beautiful

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creatures. It's a shame their

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lives have come to such an

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abrupt end.

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But it's also a silver lining

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on my cloud as I gain 15,000

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points. These deer are being

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chased by wolves. I have no

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problem killing the wolves as

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well as the deer.

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Everything's for sale here. It's

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all up for grabs. Baa Baa Black

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Sheep. Do you have any guns?

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Yes sir. Yes sir. You best

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fucking run.

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Baa, baa, they bleat no more.

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Silence of the rams. It's time

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to take a trip into the meadow.

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And it looks like we've got a

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little bit of a shtag party on

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our hands. Boom. Wow, he went

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flying. Now, another bear. This

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is the final bear this round, I

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think. Once I've killed this cunt,

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it's game over. And there we

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have it. There we go, top of

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the tree. There's no one else

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to beat me. Probably because it's

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such a horrible, morally repugnant

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game.

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I've got no other contenders.

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That's Viper Higgins, top of

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the tree. See you next time.

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Every Thursday you could watch

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my show about news.

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you

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to