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*music*

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Welcome to Cuba. I'm here on a

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fucking special mission tour.

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Taking you around the sites.

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That's the monument where Fidel

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worked, or I think he's dead in

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there. I don't know.

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I used to have a picture of Che

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Guevara on a fucking pencil

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case when I was in secondary

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school, but

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Eddie Durkin drew a fucking

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penis on his head, so I'd throw

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it in the bin.

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What is communism?

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Communism was invented by

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former Marx brother, Karl Marx,

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who, disillusioned with slapstick,

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decided to invade Russia and

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turn it into a communist

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paradise.

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Mmm, a sophisticated culture

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emerged, which even today is

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exemplified in the many Russian

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LiveLeak videos, such as Dashcam

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Man Rides Bus, and my own

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personal favorite, Russia Man Eats

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Ready Break.

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*mimicking*

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There's something about the

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communism in Cuba that's miles

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better than those former Soviet

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Eastern Bloc loser countries.

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*music* The communism over here

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is fucking choice. You know,

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you can cruise around drinking

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rum, smoking cigars, and

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listening to music that goes *music*

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Do you reckon that lad's a

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communist? Look at the face on

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him. Do you know him? Have you

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seen him? Have you any

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information on him whatsoever?

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Witnesses describe him as a

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bell-hatted creepy whistler

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with a penchant for the color

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orange and no feet or shoes.

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Only a matter of time before he

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strikes again. *music*

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No one's oppressed here, you

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know, artists have freedom.

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There's a lot of color, a lot

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of vibrancy, and a lot of

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personality. It's a nice touch.

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Sexy women. Some more riding up

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there.

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Sensual sort of crack, you know.

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Kind of life I'd like to be

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having. Just wanna know how

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much for the picture of the

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titties?

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*music* 500.

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500? What about the couple

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riding there? *music*

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Everywhere I go there's

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paintings of people riding.

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*music* This is the black man

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in Cuba. *music* Right.

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*music* It's the mulatto. *music*

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Okay, yeah, yeah, mulatto.

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Interracial damage.

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He's doing damage there anyways.

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We might take one home. *music*

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Okay.

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*music* But I need to go to the

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bathrooms. Is there a public

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bathrooms around? *music*

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Erections aside, was there

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really freedom of expression

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beyond sexy artwork under

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Castro's reign?

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Human rights watchdogs say

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opponents of his regime faced

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hard times in prisons which

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weren't fit for even animals

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even.

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The issue of torture and

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interrogation was raised in the

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1962 drama, Death of a Dissident.

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Del Monte Comunisticas in the

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cafe.

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Look at that. Please, sir.

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What's wrong with Jimmy Crystal?

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I know it well, yeah!

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Do you like cigars?

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One of the greatest Cuban

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inventions is the cigar.

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Made by mystic men out in the

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fields,

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the best ones are usually

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bought off street urchins.

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I did Foundation Spanish in the

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Leaving Cert,

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and it really came in handy.

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How much for the Cohiba?

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Uno.

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Um, uno Cohiba.

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Un Cohiba. 50.

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Good price.

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Laguna, Laguna. Gracias.

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Good price for the Cooperativa.

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Cooperativa close at 6pm, is it?

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6 hours close.

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Cooperativa 6 hours close.

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Finish? Finito? Over there?

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Okay. Okay. I look for you. I

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look for you.

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I look for you.

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I'm here.

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I'm here.

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I'm here.

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You wrecked the fucking head of

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you.

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Great old day, Fred.

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And who's that fella there?

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Camilo Sinfuegos, Commander.

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Camilo Sinfuegos, Commander.

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Right.

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So we're going to an abandoned

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forest.

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That's very nice.

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This is the practice Santeria.

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Santeria.

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Oh, like a spiritual.

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Yeah, spiritual.

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Yeah, sadly.

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Jesus.

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Santeria.

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It was time to kick back in the

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abandoned forest.

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Savoring the flavor of a

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beautiful Cuban cigar.

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You're not meant to breathe it

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in.

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Out of interest, I was looking

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up old footage of Havana on

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YouTube back in the day before

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the revolution.

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Believe it or not, the place

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was in fucking better shape,

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hey?

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People look richer.

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They even had a Woolworths look.

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None of that shite when I was

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walking around.

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Fucking cook.

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That's the thing about

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communism, man, you know?

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They fucking spit the winnings

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with everyone, but the

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infrastructure's fucked.

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And there's dead chickens

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everywhere.

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Fucking smell the fucker a mile

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away.

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*music*