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They love the Brexit, don't

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they? They won't shut the fuck

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up about it. Feels like it's

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been going on for thousands of

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years. Well, remarkably, it has.

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450,000 years ago, Britain was

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actually connected to France by

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a land bridge that stretched

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from southern England, from

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Kent, all the way to northwest

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France.

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Half a million years ago, we

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were told we got Brexit, but it

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wasn't clean, and what happened?

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We became extinct.

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So in 2017, Theresa May needs

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to stick to her guns, get full

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Brexit, keep the foreigners out.

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It's Vipers View, it's News

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Made For You.

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Paris switched off the lights

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on the Eiffel Tower this week

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in a show of solidarity for the

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Swedes who got hebdo'd by the

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Boom Boom Boys.

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They switched it off the week

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before then for the St.

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Petersburg Boom Boom, and then

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the week before that for the

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London Boom Boom.

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At this rate, Paris, you'd want

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to switch the fucking thing off

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altogether.

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It was a week which saw America

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launch a 90 million dollar bollocking

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upon an airbase in Syria from

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the safety and comfort of

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Donald Trump's Palm Beach

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estate.

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Trump watched on as a sweaty-headed

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Sean Spicebag sat behind him,

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letting off farts.

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Meanwhile, functioning Alco,

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Steve Bannon topped up his Ale

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House tan, repeatedly grabbing

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a nagging from his pocket.

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How do I know this? Cause I was

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there, let in on the condition

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that I sat on Joe Hagen's lap.

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Joe Hagen's hand touched my tuchus

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at one point, yeah.

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But it didn't develop into

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anything more than that, you

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know, there was a little bounce

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to the knee before we left the

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conference room.

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He mentioned something about

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coming up to his dream suite

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for a few pieces of chocolate.

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I said no, I'm going to the bar,

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and that was that.

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Even though the missiles were

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as useful as a chocolate dildo,

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it had to be done because of

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the media pictures of dead

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children we saw.

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Russia had this to say:

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We don't know what happened

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with that gas attack.

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Honest.

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Spiceballs himself was dishing

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out morality lessons at the

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White House.

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I managed to get myself a seat

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on the ground.

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You look, we didn't use

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chemical weapons in World War

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II.

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You nuked the jets, you cunt.

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You know, someone as despicable

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as Hitler, who didn't even sink

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to the- to the- to using

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chemical weapons.

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What was that at Auschwitz? A

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bad batch of showers us?

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Thank you.

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Come back, you prick.

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Caitlyn Jenner's bollocks have

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finally been replaced by a fanny.

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Speaking about the bollocks,

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she said:

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It had no special gifts or use

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for me.

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I just want to have all the

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right parts.

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I'm also tired of tucking the

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damn thing in all the time.

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Fair fucks to her, she's gone

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and done it.

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And, you know what? Hey, I

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never thought I'd say it.

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But if you were back at a house

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party, and you'd had a few

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whiskies, and the lighting had

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gone a bit dim and it was late,

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you'd-

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I don't know, look at the bicep,

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fuck that.

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Is it a boat? Is it a fish?

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Neither.

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It's a merman.

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Forget transgender, that's so

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2016.

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This lad's trans-species man.

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Aw, the support's been marvellous,

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yeah.

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We had a big duel last night

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where I fed me knob to some

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sharks, and now I just want to

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spend the rest of my days swishing

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about.

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Woo!

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Car behind me is a 1995 Ferrari

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at 50.

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2.4 million dollars.

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2.4 million!

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The only one that was purchased

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new by Mike Tyson.

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Ah, it was Tyson's car.

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It's hard to know who'll go

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down in the history books as a

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bigger legend.

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Sports car or sports star?

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On the one hand, the Ferrari's

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smooth, sophisticated, got

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speed and power.

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Tyson had power and speed too,

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but he is a convicted rapist,

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which is a drawback.

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Then again, try as hard as it

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might, I doubt the Ferrari will

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go from 060 out of a hotel room

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faster than Tyson.

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I don't like wars, but gassing

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people isn't right.

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I must find a way to rationalize...

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Alive.